I titled this poem as I did because I did not want people to guess what I was talking about. I wanted it to hit them in the face.
I have found an uninvited guest in our home.
Oh, at first it was sly like a fox,
Showing up briefly but with slow determination.
Then little by little taking away what was ours.
Now I find myself alone with you beside me and this unwanted guest.
You are with me but I miss you, alive but not here.
Here but gone at the same time.
Such an ambiguous loss.
There is no closure like in death.
Each day I grieve over another loss and your former self.
Then I feel guilty because I think about me.
I am letting go, hanging on
And at the same time, trying to live with ambiguity.